[M.M.X.I.V. 24] Anger

Seems like a strange topic for a happy-go-lucky person like me, right?  Indeed, this is from a prompt.  It’s the Dungeon Prompt, suggested by the Zero to Hero challenge.

I always associate anger with yelling and aggression.  Unfortunately, this is some of my strongest impressions of my Dad from my younger years, or what I interpreted as anger. I have a feeling that it came from the stress of being a doctor, and the requirement to be professional at the office.  Thankfully, it was only loud, and never violent.  But, yelling has always intimidated me.

Although nowadays, I am more intimidated by Mom’s “disappointment” or guilt trips than Dad’s yelling.  In some sense, I feel that passive anger is even more pernicious than aggressive anger, because it is the opposite of my normal schema of anger, and I don’t know how to react to it.  When it came to my Dad’s anger, I attempted to comply with his requests, and by now, I have learnt to tune out his yelling.

For me, I did not inherit the explosive anger trait from Dad, and I don’t know whether I have the passive anger trait from Mom.  In general, I try to avoid anger, but when I would be “angry,” I feel that the emotion is masked in other forms.  For example, when I was a toddler, behaviors that others may have interpreted as my anger Mom and Dad interpreted as frustration, which is probably true.

If I get frustrated or annoyed now, I will usually try to blow it off, but may react to it in a way other than yelling, such as pacing around, explicitly saying, “This is frustrating/annoying,” or retreating into The Shell.  I wonder whether my positive spin on life tends to come from The Shell as well?  It’s all based on my yearnings for stability, I would say.

Another maxim that I take seriously comes from פרקי אבות (Teachings of the Fathers): “One who is slow to anger and quick to appease is a saintly person.”

Although, I wonder if a time will come when an outward expression of anger may be useful for me.  Is anger a basic emotion, or is it derived from some other basic emotion…?

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Today is the twenty-fourth day of M.M.X.I.V.  That makes three weeks and three days.

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8 thoughts on “[M.M.X.I.V. 24] Anger

  1. If you can keep a positive spin on life than that is great. It is something that I have to work at myself. When I see myself going down the dark hole of anger I try to coach myself out of it, or not into it, because I know that once I’m there it’s gonna be awhile. But the more I can stay positive the more safe I am. Nice article, and nice having you with the dungeon prompts!

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