[M.M.X.I.V. 213] Glarf

The ordinal number of today’s post is 213, which corresponds to the course number of Basic Relativity and Quantum Mechanics at UNL.  It was one of my favorite courses that semester. because the instructor, Prof. Dowben, was quite a character so as to always keep us engaged in class.

Since I have my notes from the class on the computer, I also wrote down some of the quotes and funny notes that I wrote.  This is basically a list, with the only order being chronological within the class’s time frame.

(The “definition” of the word glarf is some constant factor, oftentimes one that gets ignored or simplified.)

Here we go!

“The coordinate system of the universe is completely arbitrary.  Velocity and acceleration are equivalent to changing the reference frame.  So, this point on the table here is the center of the universe!  And as we move closer to the center of the universe, things get faster and faster… Proof by intimidation doesn’t work.”

“Consider a pionizer… (draws a picture of a steaming pie)”

“A 2 km-long BNSF train moves at 0.7c. The incompetent train robber Nebraska Pete is at the intersection and fires a “Turbo Laser Pistol”TM at the train’s engineer.  This engineer holds up a mirror for reflection.  How much later will Pete get zapped?”  {Answer: 31.7 microseconds.}

“Dowben cheats again and throws away the glarf!” ~After taking a series expansion.

“Consider a box with a small hole, that is at a finite temperature.  Everything is trapped, and if we plot ν vs. intensity, it’s a function that increases without bound.  It’s going to KILL us all!  (This is the Ultraviolet Catastrophe).”

“It’s good if you can reduce the number of variables to just one hand!”

“4b) En = -(1/n2)[(2π)2(Ze2)2m]/[(4πε0)2h2

-That is one UGLY expression.  We can simplify some of the GLARFY stuff:

4) En = (1/n2)[Z2e4m]/[8ε02h2]

<A picture of three energy levels and the orbits of the electrons; a circle, a figure-eight, and a Scrambler™>”

“Let’s get that linear professor accelerator ready to go!”

“Good enough for government work–we’ll throw away this GLARF.”

“Where is the particle?  The orthodox says ‘It’s nowhere until I measure it,’ the realist says ‘It’s somewhere,’ and the agnostic says ‘I refuse to answer!'”

“Don’t use the Heisenberg uncertainty principle to get out of a speeding ticket OR to avoid a bullet!”

“We can CHEAT with this sum, using a geometric sum argument.  The GLARF therefore turns into the Bose-Einstein equation.”


“The gambler’s version of the laws of Thermodynamics: (0) You must play the game, (1) You can’t win, (2) You can’t break even, and (3) You can’t quit.”


Today is the two-hundred and thirteenth day of M.M.X.I.V.  That makes thirty weeks and three days.

Today is the eighteenth day of the Character Building Trials.  That makes two weeks and four days.


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