[O.C.T.O.B.E.R. V-30] (Door!)

A commercial that I have seen quite frequently lately has been the AT&T commercial involving a man getting an iPhone 7 on the house by switching to AT&T. After he walks away from the employee, his inner monologue tells him to stay cool, recounting what just happened. The monologue ends with him saying, “Just a few more steps.”

The AT&T employee sees him walking toward the door, and in her own monoword monologue, says, “Door!” just as the man slams into the door, completely oblivious. He exits and his inner monologue says, “It’s cool.”

Well… I am certainly that man in a few situations. I’ve got at least three “Door!” situations… though they are more “Screen!” situations.


  • Unknown time, Fort Dodge. I was going over to hang out with a friend who lived across the street. When they opened the door, I thought it would be funny to try to “bust through the screen.”
    Well… this broke the screen (of course) as well as the frame for said screen on the door. Not one of my finer moments…
  • Sukkot 5757 or 5758 (1996 or 1997). My family was over at a family-friend’s house for a Sukkot party. Ergo, it was in September or October, but the specific date isn’t important here (for once in my blog!) At one point, I was going outside onto the deck on the upper level, to then go down the stairs and play some yard games outside.
    When I opened the door and walked forward, the bug screen was still in front of me, but I didn’t see it because it was somewhat invisible to me. So I face-planted into it, thankfully not breaking or tearing it down this time.
  • Graduation party on June 4, 2004. I went to the graduation party of one of my friends, and was enjoying some conversation and food in the kitchen. There was more socialization outside in the back yard.
    Guess what happened?

There have been a few near-misses involving screens recently, but nothing compared to these three stories.

I will further exclude the comical pratfalls where I try to open a locked door, pretend that I have opened it, and then walk into the door, pretending to turn into a lamina (paper-thin thing).


Today is the thirtieth day of O.C.T.O.B.E.R. That makes four weeks and two days.

End of the Ad-Hominems: 9 days

Thanksgiving: 25 days

Lincoln: 51 days

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